someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
