So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
