and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have aggressive nipples.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
