I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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