You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
