I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
