quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
