It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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