ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
