She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
