apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
