Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
