help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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