I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
