So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
