in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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