$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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