There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i believe in u and ur pee
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
