Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
