Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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