well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She bit a glass in half.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
