The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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