Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
