did you get engaged???
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
