Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
