my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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