I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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