The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my shit smells like andre
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
