o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
