Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
