you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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