she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
