i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
