I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize