I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My cat gives me a boner
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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