with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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