Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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