1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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