i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
