captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
