I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
3 2 1 whiskey
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
