What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
