I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
