In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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