woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
