guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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