I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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