Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
