drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
