Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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