i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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