You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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