What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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