just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
