did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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