look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
