that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
