Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
