dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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