Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
