I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
