Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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