Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
