paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
