I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
