I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
